The blurred colors of my vision come into focus to a sterile, metal-walled, medical laboratory type of set-up. I’m strapped to a metal table that’s angled vertically. (It’s interesting because my first experiences of being in a cloned body are almost always of some lab coated person walking away from my with a syringe.) I feel like I’ve been pumped up with pure anger… My attention focused on the present, wondering how am I going to express the violence running through my veins.
This focus stays with me through the entire experience. It taps into a much deeper rage, of supreme injustice. I cannot tell you how much I hate all these people. It’s a rage at a molecular level, a searing of the energy around me, slowly building, coiling itself into an electric whip.
This particular day they had me in a body much older than what I was at the time. In real life, I was only five or six, but the body I was in was much older, much stronger. I awoke to the usual rush of consciousness, tapping into the strength of my shoulders, sensing my awareness travel into my extremities. Whatever they have injected me with this time turns my usual rage into a blinding white light, burning me alive, and when the pain gets to my head, I shatter into a thousands shards of of pissed off glass. They glitter in my mind’s eye, a brief moment of stillness. I couldn’t handle the emotions illicit in this body. Then l feel a rumble like a wall breaking and the rage is total. The white hot energy has filled every cell of my body as I feel the constraints getting tighter across my chest and shoulders. My perspective is changing and I feel my head break free from the strap across my forehead.
All the little humans in their white coats scurry around this way and that like frantic little cockroaches.
I smell their fear and I am disgusted by them. My right arm breaks free and I grab the panicking white coat as he tries to step back. In half a second I’ve ripped out his larynx with my teeth and rip is arm off his body for good measure. The satisfying taste of his blood as the rush of endorphins reaches my awareness, slightly offsetting my rage. The constraints no longer holding me. They will all pay for this I say to myself as I survey the room.
My body moves so fast I feel like reality doesn’t focus until I pause to make sure I am the last thing the white coats see as I’m ramming my clawed hand through peoples torsos, ripping arms out of sockets, slinging their remains across the room. Their fear colors them in hazy red aura, I can see images of loved ones and regrets as life leaves them, some frozen in fear as I feel their neck crush when I tighten my grip. The smell of blood and organs fill me with more rage as I charge at the thick metal doors. Bursting through I am met by loud bangs, sharp pain across my body and then a warm glow.
I wake up in my bed. I cry and whimper to myself, my six year old self not able to comprehend what just happened yet knowing somehow I was that monster. This shame and fear shook me to the very core of my being.
I don’t remember that happening again, although I know this being. That form is connected to a whole race of beings. If I stay in that body I will be overtaken by their consciousness. Their sick, morbid truly psychopathic frame of mind. It dirtied my soul enough just from that one encounter.
However the lab coats were fascinated by me so I had the honor of experiencing that place every time I went to sleep. Somehow they were able to modulate that awareness in me, it must have something to do with the drug they gave me. Because once I finished the “training”, I had close to that same speed and strength yet I don’t remember being a giant humanoid reptilian.