Secret Space Program Memories

Throughout the second half of my life, I’ve been working on this epic, sci-fi space opera.  I have note books full of outlines, diagrams and timelines of a galactic war in which humans are used as man power in another species war.

However as soon as I try to write a scene or any part of the actual story, I can’t get about a single sentence down.  I then mentally spin out of my connected, expanded consciousness into thoughtless hours of staring at a piece of paper.  My hand seems disconnected from my mental control.  Whatever interesting scene that I have in my mind’s eye, vanishes and I’m left in this totally disconnected, anxious state of mind.

I realize I’ve disassociated.  (Shit.. That only took my whole life to figure that out.)

In the past, I was very nomadic, enjoying the change of scenery and hoping to start anew, over and over.  Although there was a strengthening of my intuition and ability to manifest as I could always find a cool place to live, work, good coffee shop, nice camp spot.  You know road magic…

However, I knew that I was really just running away from something….something that turned out to be myself.  I moved every 6-9 months since I was 13.  I was a mess most of those 25+ years.  After a brief period of getting settled and grounded in my new city, I’d be all feeling good and confident, ready to write my magnus opus, The Book of Earth (the hypothetical title).

I’d get all dedicated, set aside time everyday to write.  Nothing happens…

Then I focus on just writing whatever came to my mind, only to end up staring at the words “Chapter 1” for hours.  The frustration would build up, wondering what the hell is wrong with me.  Things would get weird in my life.  The magic would leave me and my sleep patterns would get all messed up.  Soon I would get that “unwelcome” feeling again, then enacting my personal cognitive dissonance protocol by abruptly moving to another place.

There’s not a worse feeling than not having a place to belong, to not having a true home.  But that is a space that one must foster within.  I kept looking for the place to ground me, instead of making home in my own body.   This lack of home seems to grow from that childhood feeling of not belonging to Earth or this reality.  Many “experiencers” had similar feelings I bet.  It seems to come with the territory.

Even now, just trying to write about what I’m classifying as SSP psychic asset memories, sends me into a causeless anxiety.  I don’t really even care about remembering, I just want my sovereignty back and get rid of the emotional hangover of being used… just to be able to think about certain things and not get sent into some mental abyss.

I have memories of the first day of SSP school.  We were all wearing light grey, off white one piece flight suits.  I was late and everyone else was already seated in a large auditorium with 3 large screens.  One of our C.O.’s was an older black woman.  I was happy to see other races for some reason…  I remember some little girl smiling at me and saying “hi” telepathically.  The speech started and that’s all I remember.

I had a “dream” earlier this year of being used as a seer or early warning system. They would put me in a trace by something through an IV.  I fell asleep to wake up in a battle torn city full of collapsed and damaged colonial style multistory buildings.  There were palm trees and it felt like the tropics, south pacific-ish, western side of Australia maybe…

Anyways.  As I’m looking around, a soldier emerges from some underground hatch in the rubble, looks around and says, “That wasn’t that bad.”

I look at him and then point to the horizon-filling, gigantic black, boomerang or cylindrical ship descending through the clouds.  He says, “Oh shit!” in a defeated voice.

I wake up in the same large, multi-bed hospital room that I was in the beginning, all by myself though.  For a couple of moments, I realize this might be my chance to escape.  I think about running, but I know we’re about to be attacked.  The base is completely empty of people and eerily still.   Everyone has already prepared for the attack and underground or in bunkers.

I hide behind some trees, but then think back to my visions and realize that spot gets destroyed.  I then decided to join the others in my assigned bunker, granted I felt about 14 or 15 age and body wise in this dream.

I get to my bunker.  There’s a choke point where I have to climb over a cement barrier, only to feel a gun muzzle poking me in the chest when I straighten up and I wake up here in this time.

Oddly enough, the next evening, the entire southwest side of Australia had a power outage for a couple of hours and there was a huge object that created a long line of pings of this website.  (

There’s a whole set of memories of waking up on alien planet and has seen major destruction.  In the story, this (headache hitting me as I try to write this, right on queue) “me” is one of the only survivors of a genetic project to create a clone army of humans.  As the only survivor there is a protocol to save the data from the experiment in a psychic download.  This story ends with “me” hijacking an alien fleet ending up after many battles around orbit around Earth.

The fantastical and self aggrandizing elements of this story has always kept me from taking any of this too seriously.  But ever since I’ve embraced the possibility that these experiences might have happened and quit thinking of it as something I’m making up, I’ve been able to write about it.

I always said I wouldn’t mention my “abilities” until I was able to manifest them in this waking life.  I’m sorry folks.  I really thought I could do it and show people that this level of awareness is inherently false and that we humans are capable of so much more.

It’s like they’re right there, at my fingertips yet I have no way to access them, leaving me looking like some jackass telling tall tales.

No need to talk about if you can show it.   But….


Consenting to the Secret Space Program


The text reads: “In his wildest dreams Alex never suspected that tonight he would become…”

Never in his wildest dreams…. Uh huh

At times, it seems we earthly humans are pawns in some astral body-hopping, multidimensional galactic war game of awareness, and yet no matter what level of awareness a person is at, consent appears to be a universal constant pertaining to a individual’s personal power and freedom.

Consent, unfortunately, is actually made at a non-verbal, subconscious level.  It comes from our body and our spirit, so even if one does not remember signing a contract to be abducted by black ops or inter dimensional beings, a desire to for a certain experience will suffice.

For instance, I don’t remember signing a contact at age 7 for a twenty and back tour of duty with Solar Warden.   But I remember seeing the movie The Last Starfighter.  I remember thinking how cool it would be to go and fight evil reptilian overlords for saving not only the Earth but also the entire galaxy.

Might I, in my exuberance to explore space, consented to being in a secret space program.   That wasn’t the purpose of this movie or anything…

Notice the key words in the clip…  “Nothing to be afraid of… Just step into my office.”  The character steps into the vehicle, consent given.   The alien Centauri, says, “Centauri has a proposition for you…”  (I love it when they speak in 3rd person.)

Having re-watched the movie recently, the entire plot line is to get the main character, Alex, to fully commit to be a Starfighter.  “It’s an honor…. only the select are chosen….Save the Galaxy…. leave the trailer park behind….” blah blah blah.  By the end of the movie, you as the viewer are completely convinced Alex should go, leave his home and go fight for aliens.  You would go if you were in Alex’s shoes.  That’s consent.  (You can even come back an abduct your girlfriend as long as she comes with her own free will.)

The aliens used an arcade game to find recruits, and it just so happens the controls of the game were identical to the controls of the starship he piloted.  Hmmmm.  It’s not like the military would ever use video games as tools for training, assessing cognitive dexterity and recruitment in the same way the aliens do in the movie.

Game Controllers Driving Drones, Nukes

Probably much in the same way the Condalezza Rice had no idea that someone could use an aircraft as a guided missile.

Reading Orson Scott Cards, Ender’s Game, struck me harder than any other piece of media I had encountered to that point.  I would get light-headed  almost passing out or while reading it, or I would just fall asleep, waking up with the book falling out of my hand.  This was in my twenties.  The novel left me in a daze for a week or so.  Of course I had no idea why it felt so real to me.  Especially the ruthlessness they instilled in Ender, that really freaked me out.  No one to trust, no one will help you.  (That was the killer I had lurking in my subconscious.  If I was used in one of the SSP’s, then this was an “operator”  or delta alter of mine, the only alter I have a lot of memories from.)

The video game Halo, which I’ve never played, gives me that same uneasy feeling especially since it’s a secret, super soldier program run by the Office of Naval Intelligence. (which offered me a officership when I graduated college)


I will bring down this house of inter dimensional card tricks to the best of my ability fellow souls.  It’s what they trained me for.

*For any 80’s anime fans…  Here’s an oddly pertinent series about a galaxy divided between a feudal german bloodline controlled galactic civilization which inherited many nazi principles and a multi-ethnic democratic galactic civilization.


T. I.’s are TESTED Individuals rather than Targeted

Demon or Sociopath, is there a difference?…

I know it’s just semantics but the words out of mouths reverberate with the universe surrounding us helping to coalesce our reality.

They should be said with the full power of your energetic field.  Our language is already set up to obscure this magic with it’s SPELLing and CURSE-ive writing.    So it is best to be intentional and clear about the words one describes themselves.

“Targeted” as a description of our situation is technically correct as it the one of the words “perps” use to label us.  However, coming from the experiencer, it reeks of victimhood and powerlessness.  One starts acting like a spooked animal, quick to react and judge.  This is in our instincts to behave this way.  We know a predator is around, so your senses are acute, adrenals are pumping and it’s almost empowering at first bc your intuition is very strong in these instances.

Your nervous system is running in high gear, but it’s a state of mind and energetic state of being that is hard to sustain.  Having little to no slept, dealing with things muggles couldn’t even conceive of, you got crazy eye and you’re paranoid.

So when you look at someone, they see crazy eye, and look at you back with a similar look.  Remember we have large portions of our brains hard wired to make quick judgments about a person, whether safe or a threat.  When one projects fear and anxiety, one will receive that from other people.

It seems there is a self-fulfillment factor with our behavior.  We start finding connections as they seem to target the association part of our brain, flooding it with mental energy.  We start to manifest situations that coincide with unbelievable synchronicity, events where the natural chance of these things happening is infinitesimal.  Yet there they are, pooping on your shoulder at the most inopportune time possible.

At a certain point, the synchronicities take a life of their own and normal life seems as distant as the stars above.  You’ve seen shit… heavy shit… demons behind people’s eyes, g-men type folks staring at you, break-ins, stalkers, weirdos doing weirdo behavior around you etc.

At this point your nervous system goes into over drive and it’s really hard to be around normies and it’s hard for them to be around you.  You’re on a different level, plugged into something much deeper.  The pressure building in your subconscious from all the testing events makes you have diarrhea of the mouth and a frantic mood.  Even the best meaning people will get spooked.  The loneliness can be daunting and overwhelming.  Remember to breath…

YOU ARE BEING TESTED….  The Universe is seeing how you react….will you find your feet in a veil-less world…  Will you change your priorities now that you’ve seen the man behind the curtain.  Are you ready to handle the power the  universe is about to give you?

The T.I. phenomenon is more than just satellites, cell phone towers and organized gang stalking.  There is a higher intelligence involved.  The quicker one accepts that the sooner you’ll find your self and the forces that influence our lives.

The universe’s eye whether it be some EEG heterodyning DARPA project, a sentient-black goo AI, pinche’ demons, powers and principalities, extraterrestrials or all of the above, it’s got it’s eye on you.

Your only choice is to realize with all your awareness that this life is a CHALLENGE.  It’s completely unfair, absolutely.  Other people will never have to deal with what you’re going through.  You are completely on your own.  If Jesus works for you, awesome, feel fortunate.  Some of us, can’t even call upon help.  It has to be you, balls and ovaries to bone fully, committed to overcoming your fears, to feeling comfortable in your own skin again, to feeling your true presence.

In the midst of it, it’s hard to see the trail, so make it yourself.  Use your will as a sword, carry it by observing yourself, sharpen it by learning to stop the small mind (the yapper), weld it by deciding to react differently.  Cut through your own illusions with power of your inner silence.  Observe your true self… the self without words.

Most of the reactions are based in the butt hurt that this is happening to you.  The powerless “Whyyyyyy” taking all your energy away, only emotionally strengthening future situations where this reactionary crossroad must be crossed.  Are you going to stay of this path or change?

Saying your Targeted reinforces the “why” consciousness.  Fight that shit, refuse to be a victim.  Realize every time “they” throw you some situation, they are seeking that ungrounded paranoia feeling shooting up your spine.  It’s like a delicacy for them.  Don’t give them the pleasure.  For those that need a enemy to focus our attention, everytime you react in fear they win.

Shamans, Medicine people, Witches and Wizards have been a part of human civilization from the beginning (so has the intelligences behind it).  Some of us in the tribe have to deal with these inter dimensional forces.  This initiation has been modernized, but nevertheless this interaction is a part of the human psyche.

The good news is having cleared your connection to intent, you are now the most powerful force in 3-d, a creator incarnate, blessed with the wisdom and harmony of the Universe.

Embrace the Challenge, let go of the butt hurt.  This struggle is our heritage.  The Universe will never give you a situation you cannot master with the tools available to you.  Become the sharp edge of consciousness, feel your true presence and strive for true Freedom, the ability to respond impeccably in any situation.

A Possible Setting…

There is a web of events and circumstances that make me question the temporal flow of my life.   I’ve had these emotionally charged experiences involving both aliens and lab-coat clad “human” scientists, battle scenes from Earth and other places and some interesting idiosyncrasies.  The emotional intensity I feel going back to these time periods created emotional fire from really exploring these memories and feelings.  I remember waking up still feeling the leftover emotions of whatever happened the night before.  The images, so scarring  that they lay static in my mind’s eye and my ears buzzing like I had attended a loud concert.   Pushing that all away and focusing on my steps to the shower, I would wash it all away, focusing on the warmth, centering myself in my body.  By the time I was in the shower all glimpses of gunfire and mangled body parts were gone.   There was an other worldly endurance I felt in those experiences, that part of me would bleed over into my waking life, getting me through the unprocessed trauma of the night before. Enduring always.

This part of my is like a white ball of hate that has no healthy outlet in my everyday life.  It’s powerful and quick, looking for any signs of weakness.  Behind the hate, there is this disappointment and hopelessness, like some grave injustice at a soul and cosmic level.  I want them all to burn, painfully and yet, I don’t even know who they are.  But that alter is there…. This became another barrier later in life because I was so afraid of that part of me.   However so much of my emotional expression still processes these events in my subconscious, no matter how much cognitive dissonance I apply.

If you follow the work of Katherine Austin Fitts, a former assistant Assistant Secretary of Housing and Federal Housing Commissioner who has done intensive research into the black budget of the US government, there is an estimated 100 trillion dollars missing from the global gross domestic product.   She and many other researchers claim this is the funding for a complete blacked out secret space program.  Are these the same programs that Tony Rodriguez, Kevan Trimmel and Penny Bradley speak about having participated in?  Or is there an even weirder connection that Watler Bosley and Joseph B. Farrel have written books about with a Prussian\German Elite breakaway society that has had anti-gravity tech since the 1930’s and maybe even decades before?

It is claimed, these programs have existed for at least half a century now and evolved into breakaway civilizations, colonizing other planets and even setting up bases outside of the solar system.

When you suspect you have been used in one of these programs, there’s a certain level of critical thinking one must examine one’s own memories, coupled with the constant second -guessing the nature of these “memories.”

For instance, I have an aversion to a couple of corporate logos that I have no logical or even illogical reason for my reaction  They “trigger” me into a the deep emotions I mentioned above.

So why would a 8 year old lose his shit upon seeing the corporate logo of private contractor and for a nuclear power plant construction company to the point I was excused from school one time.  Well I just happen to have been raised Simpsons style about 15 miles away from a nuclear power plant that was under construction during the same years of these experiences.

I didn’t put 2 and 2 together until I saw Stranger Things  on netflix.  One of the main characters had the name Will which gave me that creepy “what the hell is going on” feeling.   Then seeing that water tank “11” was placed in….

These memory fragments and level ten anxiety of being drowned repeatedly in a cold tank of water exist for which I had no real life situational memory.  I was always being observed by lab coats.  I couldn’t understand why they were doing this to me.  It was a feeling that this was the end, that the darkness would take me and I would never return.  The hopelessness of not being in control of my life or not having any idea about what is happening to me ravaged me.

I have found little to no evidence of anything nefarious going on at the plant.   No insiders have come out nor  have I ever heard of anyone mention this location as a source of “Montauk” style happenings.  Yet this is the feeling I get and have had multiple psychics tell me I was involved with a multi-dimensional gateway that was operated there.  This included travel through time and also travel to other timelines and parallel earths.

So….  I was taken at night through the portal that would open up on the west wall of my bedroom, a face would emerge out of the darkness, scaring me to the core of my being.  I’m guessing I dissociated, (my mutant ability, badass huh)

I do have a lot of memories of going to another earth.  Preston Nichols of Camp Hero and Project Montauk fame called it Earth-2.  It was a completely mind controlled society.  There is somehow a connection between the Draco-Nazi 4th reich, dark fleet and the Regime controlling that world( in which Atlantis didn’t sink and was taken over by control freaks).

I think there was an connection to the underground tunnel system there also.  I remember seeing strange cylindrical transports.   Maybe it was just a stop along the underground vacuum sealed tunnel system to wisp me away to another base or cloning center.

So the little circumstantial evidence that I have is:

  • The power plant took twice as long to build as every other plant I’ve looked at.    Construction began in 1975 and the plant did not go online until 1988.   (which would coincide with my abductions)
  • While most new nuclear plants were shelved in the wake of the 3-mile Island disaster, construction continued at the site.
  • EBASCO, a construction company and subsidiary of General Electric took over the building of the reactors in 1983.
  • Wackenhut provided the security at the base, which is pretty normal since they were the “chosen” private security firm for most of the .  They were also  known as the domestic branch of the CIA.
  • Westinghouse Electric Corporation built the actual reactors.  This was the corporate logo that would trigger me.

Even more circumstantial evidence:

  • The number of hack attempts on my website after writing a draft for this blog went from 120 to 515 overnight.
  • I got another visit from my friendly neighborhood D.O.D. private contractor buddy, Mr Brown, also while working on this blog post.  (like an hour after saving  it)


So if anyone has any stories or evidence that something was going on at this power plant, please contact me at  Thanks

Questioning the Milabs Phenomenon…

I have to credit Eve Lorgen, Laura Leon and James Bartley for fostering this idea in me.  (milabs=military abductions)

Like I have said, I don’t want my milab experiences to be real.  I have gone to great lengths in my own thinking to come up with man-made reasons or scenarios for my experiences…. Somehow they were all downloaded in my mind by some high tech black op project trying to train future assets or to shatter a person’s core personality in their sleep or both.

There are many rumors among researchers that the shadow government is 30-50 years ahead of what’s made public technology-wise.  They know everything you do, can read your thoughts, control your family and pets, cause traffic jams and birds to poop on your car, have invisible aircraft with lasers and anti-gravity dirves, hide the truth about hobbits in underground bases, etc etc ad infinitum.

As to most things in this world, the image portrayed is usually much different than reality.  This is called a psychological operation or psy-op.  The media in all forms, from the BS coming out of a pundits mouth to the very frequencies used to transmit, is one big psy-op.  They are trying to get you to think in a certain way by using their favorite control method, the guiding false light of their un-loving hearts, Problem-Crisis-Solution.

Briefly, they create a problem, yap about it till it becomes a crisis, then act like johnny on the spot with a premeditated solution that disperses all that manifesting power into a prefabricated macabre of trite BS.  Take the total fake race war they are trying and have been trying to start for years here in the U.S.  Let’s not look at the real problem, which is the loss of social class mobility and the lobbyist industry.  Instead  try to stir up our primal instincts of territorial aggression and tribalism, i.e. divide and conquer.  Problem-Crisis-Solution.  Anything that keeps them separated and hating each other, severely reducing the chances of humanity ever uniting to kick out our false overlords.

In the milab phenomenon, there are many examples of people witnessing the “aliens” are working side by side with humans in military clothing in what seem to be large underground bases.  I couldn’t people would sell out the entire biosphere to these galactic highwaymen-pedo-ass clowns.

The moral chasm between a regular human and these specie traitors is so large that it seems unfathomable to the normal muggle.  Factor in the deep, dark power of cognitive dissonance and most people out of these dark mysterious corners.

However, the aliens are known to be able to control people’s minds and actions.  There is also a term we in the industry use called hosted beings.  These are people that have been completely taken over by the “aliens” and in the process lost their free will, there are degrees from just being influenced to full on possession.

Therefore, taking control of the people in control of the shadow government would be like the tainted vaccines they give us, going right past our own body’s defense mechanism and dumping their cancerous existence right into the control system here on Earth.  Similar to the demented alters they give some of the abductees but on a collective level.

if I’m running a clandestine invasion, what would be a better foothold into our world than through the black projects of the shadow government.  They would have unlimited funding and relatively free reign under the umbrella of national security and compartmentalization.

There is a precedent for inter dimensional beings working or colluding with human governments with the rumored involvement of the Vril society in Nazi Germany, Temple of Set founder Micheal Aquino’s involvement in the NSA and military, and the occult themes portrayed in NASA.

If there is a connection between that we modernly call aliens to what the past called Jinn, Faeries and Fallen Angels, then we are dealing with the “Lords of Air” and “Powers and Principalities” who are the masters of deception.  They brought sorcery to Earth, which is just a gateway for these a-holes to come into our world through blood sacrifices and oaths.    

I’m pretty sure I was to be a host body for one these alien “buggers” and my training was used to destroy my core personality to make me easier to be inhabited.  Fortunately, they trained me a little too well or made my DNA a little too powerful, something…

When I was at a UFO conference this last spring, the pervading theme was the government and humanity is “bad” and irresponsible, unable to take care of their own planet.  The aliens in their multidimensional kindness and altruism have arrived to save us from ourselves.  There was this unsaid, unfounded in reality attitude held by the people there that they were not the problem and have ascended to a higher plane of manipulation, I mean consciousness.

Alien abductees are fed a constant stream of anti-human propaganda which they then proselytize their message because of the feelings of being special elicited by the aliens.  I’m not saying we’re perfect, but giving our power and sovereignty to a bunch of beings that think taking us from our families, traumatizing us, stealing genetic material, and remaking us in their image is a monumental tragedy and a perversion of the true intention of our creation.  Especially when the majority of the participants of these black ops are being mind controlled by non-humans.  Enough of the guilt, embrace the challenges of this world, then we can truly be free.

It’s time to learn the rules and humanity’s place at the negotiating table.

Please visit Eve Lorgen at, Laura Leon at, and James Bartley at

Complex PTSD and the Alien/Milab Abduction Phenomenon

Due to the intense feelings of powerlessness and the life-long nature of the abduction phenomenon, there’s no doubt that “experiencers” are at a way higher risk than a muggle to suffer from C-PTSD.

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is “thought to occur as a result of repetitive, prolonged trauma involving harm or abandonment by a caregiver or other interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic. C-PTSD is associated with sexual, emotional or physical abuse or neglect in childhood, intimate partner violence, victims of kidnapping and hostage situations, indentured servants, slavery, sweatshop workers, prisoners of war, bullying, concentration camp survivors, and defectors of cults or cult-like organizations.[2] Situations involving captivity/entrapment (a situation lacking a viable escape route for the victim or a perception of such) can lead to C-PTSD-like symptoms, which include prolonged feelings of terror, worthlessness, helplessness, and deformation of one’s identity and sense of self.”

C-PTSD is different from regular PTSD with “the main distinction being that it distorts a person’s core identity, especially when prolonged trauma occurs during childhood development. ”   Hmmm, that fits in with the demaliens agenda of using humans as storage devices and other unsavory tasks by the formation of alters from the dissociation cause by trauma felt during the abduction.

For instance, I have a lot of the behaviors of the “freeze” symptomatology, although I can see aspects of the other long term behavioral patterns in myself.    Here is a chart of how the repeated response from the trauma creates certain behavioral patterns in a person’s adult life.

If you’re going to go the psychology route, I suggest a good counselor.  They don’t have the power to label you by diagnosis, as long as you’re not a threat to yourself or others.

OPUS has a pretty good group of people in their email group if you need to get something off your chest.   I’m just a another person that’s been through the abduction phenomenon, still looking for answers, but if you think I can be of service through consultation or implant removal, please email at   Good luck!

The Sentient Worldwide Simulation, Targeted Individuals and the Birth of the Matrix

First of all, I cannot find any “msm” sources for this idea.  It’s based on intuition and analysis, so basically Conjecture.  This will probably take me a couple of posts to get this out of the ether, but I feel this is important.

From the phenomenon shown in the double slit experiment, observation and measurement have a very tangible effect on matter.   It collapses the wave form of particles so that physicality can be manifested.

So what’s the effect of all the covert spying upon humanity?

The Sentient Worldwide Simulation is a known commodity.

This is based on data mining and personality algorithms that can accurately predict what a person is doing at any given time to provide trends and analysis of a “continuously running, continually updated mirror model of the real world that can be used to predict and evaluate future events and courses of action.”

This project was started publicly in 2004 at Purdue University.

Anybody remember Jade Helm?…

There was much speculation but the only theory that really made sense to me was Jade being an acronym for the “Joint Assistant for Development and Execution” program which is used as an “automated planning software system in order to expedite the creation of the detailed planning needed to deploy military forces for a military operation. JADE uses Artificial Intelligence (AI) technology combining user input, a knowledge base of stored plans, and suggestions by the system to provide the ability to develop large-scale and complex plans in minimal time.”  From Wiki

JADE started in 1999….   The drills in 2015 was to test the interface with local law enforcement for domestic applications.

So clearly both sides of the system have been development, the information gathering and then a system to respond to the data.   However there are other systems of tracking and surveillance that goes beyond what is currently publicly accepted.  There are patents describing remote neural monitoring that go back to the mid seventies.  From declassified documents of the C.I.A. describing a motivation of the government to understand remote viewing with Project Stargate.

The next logical step would be to create a machine that does the same thing, negating the dependence on the limited number of humans that can accurately do this, plus eliminating all the potential human foibles that could affect the data.   The Montauk Project and it’s psychic enhancing “chair” might be a further development of this idea.  From this little bit of light reading, one can deduce the government is fully aware of the effects of the human energy field on the quantum levels of space/time.

From experimentation of remote viewing, they would understand the far reaching potential in both space and time to receive information seemly floating out there in the ether.

I believe “they” have already have this technology to view reality, whether past, present or future.

The Targeting Phenomenon occurs when this apparatus turns its attention toward the specified individual.  This person may be experimented on, have some genetic or spiritual gifts, or involved in something that in the future will create problems for the Overlords.

The super ungrounded and paranoid feelings arise because just like when you can feel someone looking at you even though the person is out of your field of view, the tech involved with the monitoring has this same effect on one’s psyche.

Once this paranoia reaches a certain level of intensity, it leaves a person open to being even more manipulated, to the point where an almost artificial reality is overlaid upon one’s consciousness.   This creates all kinds of weirdness in one’s life from seeing things that aren’t there, to manifesting situations that may be completely unrelated yet feel like the universe has singled you out for some reason.

The only way out I have found is by not reacting emotionally to the stimulus.  Once the eye has you, it will push your emotions to unstable levels, then you and your ability to manifest and create will fill that emotional void with reasons to why it’s there.  This can get way out of hand and if you get any sort of authority involved, a trip an institution and paranoid delusional diagnosis will be in your future.  (which only exasperates the condition and will give a label that can take away your civil liberties)

The only advice I can give you is to get out of the city and the all the electromagnetic noise , sleeping on the earth, not a bed, but on the dirt can help.  Nature is your friend!


Dying in Dreams

I apologize as I don’t remember exactly when these “dreams” started, but I know they lasted until I was twelve.  They created the most anxiety in my waking life due to their nature.

Although torturous, they were not filled with other beings or involved specific training like the other recurring dreams I had.  These were death dreams.

Sometimes, but rarely, they would be of myself dying.  Like a very Milab type experience where a lab coated doctor strangled me to death for flirting with his daughter.  That might have been at the cloning center/DUMB.

Most of these experiences, I would be in someone else’s body, living their life as a passenger and it would be all over the map in terms of different characters.  I was shot and bled out as an older african-american woman.  Or I’d be stabbed from behind as some covert agent.  Or walking over a land mine as a soldier.  None of it felt like it was me, but I was there, taking in everything.

The main trauma of these experiences was not the getting killed part, but the cold blackness that would come over me in those experiences.   I would feel the world fading away, until there was nothing but darkness.  Then a voice would tell me to let go, and I would give in to dying.  Over and over, fighting for life and to having to give up.  Never a light to go to, only the empty darkness.

The level of extreme anxiety and confusion I felt waking up in my body after those night is hard to convey.  Sometimes it would be 3 or 4 death experiences a night.  I would fall asleep praying, begging God to help me, so worried I wouldn’t make it through the night.

Everytime I woke up, I had to figure if I was alive, if I was dead, If I was in my own body…  Makes me nauseous just thinking about it.   My life force would be so thin that it felt that if I sneezed that would be enough to cut the little tiny thread of life I had left.

I worked really hard pushing all these memories away as the anxiety would send me into dissociation.  This act of supreme cognitive dissonance is also what keeps my memories hidden away.

These dreams stopped when I was 12 or so, after I asked God to kill me as I could not take my life as the way it was.   I was dead serious and when God didn’t kill me, I felt invited “here” for the first time.


There are few other people I’ve heard this happening to, and I still am unsure of their purpose.

Part of me wonders, if these people that died were the other host bodies of the inter dimensional being that is connected to me and I am somehow a storage unit so that the inter dimensional can “keep” these experiences in my own subconscious.   Similar to what some people experience with the greys downloading memories and knowledge into abductees.

Maybe “they” were working on some way of remotely killing people by tying their astral bodies to people that were actually dying.  Maybe I was suffering from sleep apnea.  I just never woke up out of breath.  It was more like spread too thin over time and space, like I was barely present.

I’ve also theorized these are synthetic experiences that whomever has access to my spirit used to get me to dissociate.  The blackness being the portal they suck your spirit through to do god knows what with you.  (put you in a clone body, etc)

If you have gone through similar experiences, please email me at with your theories or experiences.  Thank you.




Black Magic, Aliens and Ritual Abuse

Is there a connection between black magic, aliens and ritual abuse?…

From my experience with all three, there are a couple of main themes that these confused a-holes all share.

The first theme they all share is a desire to keep their intentions and actions in secrecy.   Otherwise, the “aliens” would be landing on the white house lawn and the satanist would have huge, televangelistic churches worshipping the “god” of this world.    (never mind on the latter point)

The second is the use or manipulation of another person’s life force against their free will for goals and agendas that the individual being vampirized never agreed to participate in.   Whether it be lying about where the collection plate offerings go or the taking of eggs, fetuses and sperm from “experiencers,” both parties take liberty in perverting what is whole.   They are both trying to turn everything into their image.   (I’ll show them a f*@#%#^$ image)

The third theme is the use of trauma based mind control to completely  subvert the spiritual sovereignty of an individual. and most damaging long.

Due to the wholly artificial and extraordinary nature of being abducted, there is a great amount of emotional intensity associated with the alien abduction experience.  If the experience is more than the conscious mind can handle,  a person can shift into a dissociated state of being in order to escape the trauma being inflicted in the moment.  The trauma still exists in the body’s physical memory, but the mind has been shielded to keep the emotional shock from killing the person.

This is the deer in the headlights response that certain prey animals go into when they are being eaten alive.  The dissociated  state is what the aliens and black magicians are seeking in their ritual abuse victim.  This is the perfect state to create an alter personalities that work in service of the coven/cult/agency or in the aliens case, downloading a library of alien memories and knowledge into the persons mind.

The emotional intensity of participating in a blood ritual or the abduction phenomena creates a response of such neural activity and intensity, that level of activity is not normally reached in everyday life and an emotional barrier forms.  Cognitive dissonance is the mechanism to keep this all tidy in a person’s mind.    One must have true emotional fortitude to face, access and clear this trauma.

May Courage pump from our heart into all those experiences and may we stand in the full power of our forgotten presence from which we are untouchable to these dark manipulative forces.

My Brief 15 seconds of UFO Fame and Motivation for Sharing my Experiences

Last year, about this time, I woke up with what felt like second degree burns.  

I went to a clinic later that day.  The doctor did not know immediately what it was.  She said it was an allergic reaction to something outside which would be logical but I did not work outside the day before.

I got some burn creme because I know what poison ivy does to me.  This didn’t feel like an allergic reaction.  It never itched.   Having been burned before, this was the closet pain I could relate to it.

It could have been a very aggressive case of shingles, maybe I was compromised immunologically due to stressful abduction experiences. However I had blisters forming within hours and still have scars from the burns.  There was also burns on my legs and arms that were smaller, in straight lines that do not correspond with nerve pathways.

Who knows…. different people I know have their own way of explaining my experience away.  I had heard of people getting marks and bruises from abductions, but I got trashed physically.  Mentally, I was swaying from “Holy shit, I got abducted…they are real!” to “Holy Shit I got abducted…those fuckers came into my house and burned shit out of me.  F@#%!!!”

I posted some pictures and a brief synopsis of what happened to me on the

There was a little attention whoring going on,  but really I was trying to see if anyone else had received marks like mine and needed to vent.  There were only a couple of people I can talk to about any of this, and even then, they will only go so far.

A producer from a certain ancient astronaut theory supporting studio contacted me about my experiences.  We skyped and I shared my photos and experience.  They were doing a pilot for an alien abduction themed TV series, and I was asked to participate.

Having never, ever thought that posting those photos on the internet would end up putting me on TV, I agreed.  I thought it would be a good experience even though being on TV was way out of my comfort zone, and maybe it would lead to more opportunities in the future.

So there is a passed lie detector test (assessed by an ex-secret service agent), an EEG scan showing no anomalous brain activity and a regression hypnotherapy session of me on film.

I was happy with the results of tests, enjoyed a free trip to hell A and got to see what filming a TV show entails.  I’m not on Facebook or have any social presence but this is my shot to make my mark on the world. (lol)

Then I heard from other researchers about TV shows butchering what was said through editing.

Paranoia started to stir, thoughts of my niece, old friends seeing me twisting and turning in pain during the regression with sprinkled in soundbites taken out of context that would make Shia Leboeuf look stable.

I started writing a book detailing my experiences as a counter to any misrepresentation there might have been of me from the TV show.  It was thought at the time, I would be on the pilot shown across the world via the history channel.

I worked furiously on the book for a month or so, making nice progress, to then get an email stating the studio was no longer considering my material for the pilot.  Whamp whaaa…  My 15 seconds of UFO fame gone, buried in the depths of a studio server.

But I got really into writing my experiences out as the act of writing really helped me process and move past the seeming insurmountable walls of trauma.  Something I highly recommend for anyone who has gone through the abduction phenomenon.   Answers are illusive in this realm of human experience, but one can release the trauma behind the question.

This blog is a way for me to release my trauma and maybe help someone else process their own experiences.

Thanks for reading.  May Grace be with us!